Just Keep SWIMMING ...

I had the extreme pleasure of talking with a dear friend and companion last night.  This person is my Laughing Life Partner.  EVERYONE should have this partner in their lives, if you don't have this person in your life yet ... FIND THEM!!

We talked about both of us, right now are swimming in the middle of the lake of dog eat dog sexual abuse energies.  I am not going to babble about this because it is a subject that can go on forever and means something different to every person.  How one treats themselves while in this very very deep lake of energy is important.  I have been wallowing in the energy of "how could I let this happen?!"  "how can I call myself an aware being of new energy when I can't even control my penis?!"  Harsh?  Yep, and I bet there are a lot of people going through the very same thing ... no, I know there are a lot of people going through the very same thing.  It only helps to know that you, I, they ... WE are not alone.

My advise for what it is worth: LAUGH LAUGH LAUGH
                                                   BREATHE BREATHE BREATHE and LOVE YOURSELF



"Breathe .......... Release ............. Allow!"

I send love and hope to the Universe for this energy to settle soon.

I AM

Sometimes ya just gotta laugh!

I just wanted to post this to always remind myself that SOMETIMES YOU JUST HAVE TO LAUGH. 

THIS has become very apparent and important to ME.

I may be Me that be Me, but truly ...

I AM THAT I AM

What you want vs. What you can't have

I have been struggling recently with a human characteristic that is in all of us in some way shape or form:  Wanting what we can have.  It seems that we as humans are constantly striving for things that we cannot have.  Yes, I believe everything is available to us if we choose to create it, but we can also choose to create inevitable situations that will only lead to your own heart break and ache and the re percussive  energy of the choices we have made.  I, for some unknown reason, have made the choice to sit right in the middle of this energy and have talked mighty talk to many about it, but sat right in the middle of it letting my own addictions to certain energies and beings progress when all the while knowing that I could not have this and still made the choice, not just once, but several times to sweep "reality" under the rug in hopes that maybe, just maybe ...

Here is the experience that lead to the above awareness: 
I was recently at a street festival with my friend where I bought a very simple silver ring.  The minute I put that simple silver band on my finger ... I changed, the energy around me changed and suddenly I felt noticed in my otherwise invisible world.  It was as if this simple band of silver gave me permission and those around me to "play."  To make the choice to go after something I couldn't or they couldn't have, because suddenly, I was not "available" just by putting this ring on my left hand wedding finger. 

Do we feel like we don't deserve all that can be ours?  I totally feel I deserve to be loved but won't allow myself to be loved.  I feel I have the right to something that can be ALL mine, but am always setting my sites on  something that I can't have.  Is it that we have set ourselves up so many times to fail in love that we automatically go there because its comfortable or we don't really know what to do? 

Two of my dearest and closest friends have recently embarked on a journey of new.  A new energy relationship that my heart absolutely aches and longs for.  They are both very self aware and live large as individuals, but live even larger as a couple who are together as one, not one together. 

I find myself with "hooks" in a few people in my life.  I wish to now start becoming aware of these hooks and gently and lovingly remove them.  Sometimes that may come with pushing the hooks through rather than always pulling them out. 

Me that be Me
Shawn

Endurance ...

I am in a particularly interesting place in my life.  I am not happy, have not been happy and worst of all ... can't even see happiness on the horizon.  I say this not to create sympathy, because if you know me I do not want your sympathy.  I make this a short blog and for any of you who may read it I want to ask some questions.  Just to create thought in your life:

A friend asked; "Good comes from bad ya?"
Do we as humans learn to endure the bad so it feels not so bad over time?
At what point does the carpet become to cluttered to sweep anymore underneath it?

Just some questions I am thinking about as I try and find new meaning in a life that has become a series of heart attacks and emotional outbursts.

Me that be Me
Shawn

Good Question ...

This is the very first attempt at "blogging." 

Until recently, I have not really considered blogging about anything.  Since my heart and soul are going through some painful human adjustments, so to speak I am feeling a need to release some of this here.  It is not meant towards anyone personally accept myself, of course and will try never to mention names.  My biggest concern is that my words be misunderstood in anyway, again ... this is about ME that be ME and no one else.  I accept full responsibility for my words and opinions ... so here goes.

I am not even sure where to start, here or there?  I have been using the analogy of being in the "bowl" of lessons right now.  A term brought in by a dear friend's Grandma.  It seems choices being made by me and a lot of my friends are bringing extreme and intense lesson.  What does this mean ... ?  Good question! I have been pondering this for several weeks now and in doing so have become completely and totally sad and discouraged.  In ME.  I am fully aware of the choices I make, have made and am aware of the repercussions they create and the responsibility I take in the creation of this energy. 
Does this make my heart and soul feel any less pain ... no.
Does it provide any comfort to the human mind ... no. 
It does provide a realization that my life really needs to change.  I am tired of having my feet knocked out from underneath me time and time again.  How long can someone let this happen, you may ask? As long as I continue to allow this to happen, that's how long.  It seems so simple ... He thinks.

When all is bitched about and said and done ... I look at my plate of choices in this life and feel very lucky to have so many options ahead of me.  If I could only make ME my favorite waste of time?  You are right ... its only a choice away.

I guess this is enough for now ...

Me that be Me  Shawn